Saturday, May 29, 2010♥12:45 PM
i seriously dont know whats wrong now. damn. just 2 days of staying at home and my mind's totally messed up. i hate this kind of feeling. i really do. i hate it when nothing goes according to the way i want it. i dont know whats wrong with everything. hate it hate it hate it! seriously, i've never felt this way b4 when i was staying at home after o's for like more than 4 months. after going into poly, it kinda seems like everything at home changed for the worse. why? i really dont understand. no one understands me. even i dont really understand myself.
been feeling very frustrated with dear over very very little things. idk why. i really dont. i tried not to be so frustrated over little things. i did try. but it isnt working. i hate feeling like this. i've spent so long building up that mask that i used to hide my feelings from people. and now, it seems like its all crumbling down. it wasnt easy for me to pretend that im alright and everything's alright for the past 2 years. but still, i think i did a good job of it. at least no one could really tell how i really am except for rochelle.
i hate breaking down like this. i hate my life going apart like this. i hate being vunerable in front of people. im too used to keeping everything to myself. too used to hiding behind a mask. a mask thats always smiling and pretending that im alright. too used to just caring abt how people feel instead of how i feel. too used to getting caught up in other people's problems when i cant even settle my own.
i hate being alone.
&I'll smile for you(:
