Tuesday, June 8, 2010♥8:29 PM
idk whats going on with me.. sometimes i wonder if i really made a mistake or not. i wonder if i should have kept to myself n continue to live past each day just for the sake of living. i dont know. i really dont. i should have just continued to pretend i've got no cares, no worries and just smile my way through each day. im finding it hard to live the life im living now. very hard. i think im numb to feelings too. i cant feel that he cares. i really cant. i've tried to feel. but i really cant feel anything. i know he cares. i know. but why cant i feel it?! i also cant feel that he loves me. i really cant.. i suppose the problem's with me.. i've build up a wall so strong to prevent myself from feeling the hurt over the past 2 years. its too strong for me to tear it down now. i've let my guard down a few times when i was with him. and each time, im really damn afraid it'll hurt. it isnt physical hurt. thats what so bad abt it.. how? can someone tell me what im supposed to do? trust him? i do. it still doesnt work..
i'll try my best to make things work out, dear. but its hard for me to trust anything a guy says. bear with it, for now. please.
&I'll smile for you(:
