Tuesday, September 14, 2010♥8:18 PM
i feel so unhappy. i've never been like this b4... i feel very depressed too.. what can i do? i really dont know. 1 month plus. alot of things can change in a month. tell me then, how am i supposed to live on and be happy w/o you? idk. i feel like drinking, feel like feeling the physical pain again. but... i've lost the courage to actually hurt myself again. this isnt right. and i know you wont like it. feel like getting drunk... but... i know that it'll only get worse the next morning. drinking to drown sorrows? thats just an excuse for people to get drunk. but right now, i do feel that way. i do wanna get drunk. i wanna numb myself for this 1 month plus. i dont want to feel anything.
you've never been out of my mind. i keep pushing you out, keep telling myself that i should be worrying abt myself instead of worrying abt you, but i just cant do it. i worry that you are unhappy, i worry that you're not sleeping well. why, why did i let myself fall so deep? im the one who's courting trouble. i do things w/o thinking of others. and, i regret when something happens. 1 month plus. from now till the 25th of october. tell me, how should i live? happily? i wish i could too. but i cant bring myself to smile. not when i know that im gonna lose you anytime.
i can't.
&I'll smile for you(:
