Sunday, July 24, 2011♥12:58 AM
gosh... what should i do now? im really lost now... yes, i admit. i like you. love you even, maybe. but there are just so many uncertainies now. and i have to admit, i am scared. so many questions are running through my head now. none of which i have any answers for sure.
do you really love me?
what if you're like all of my ex-boyfriends?
what if this is just puppy love like what yanhan said n that you just treat me as a substitute for someone else?
what if you'll just become a thing of the past like the rest of them?
what if you're just the same?
so many what ifs. if only i had the answers to them all. but i cant ask you. i can only stay awake n try to figure it out myself. i dont have the courage to face my true feelings. dont have the courage to take the risk of gettting my heart broken once again. maybe you'll leave me again like the rest one day. maybe not. for now, i dont have the courage to take the risk. i let my guard down, gave my heart to someone, only to let him trampled n break it into pieces. only to let him disrespect my feelings, only to let him have his way. only to stupidly believe in all his promises n letting him break every single one of them. only to believe in him naively even after he broke every single one of his promises. the best way to protect myself now is to guard my own heart. look at what he did to gain my trust. look at how he trampled on it. look at how badly wounded i once was. yes, im glad i saw the real him. im glad my eyes were opened. finally. but he already got what he wanted. that, will always be something i regret.
please, piggy, i really hope you'll understand how troubled i am now... i know that you're not like the rest. but im afraid to put even more trust in you. even at this stage now, im already damn frightened. frightened of what may happen, or what will happen. frightened that you'd break my heart like everyone else. frightened of getting hurt once again. i really hope that i can tell you all this. but then... how can i? i can only be worried now... someone, please help me. please?
forget all abt wisdom. i cant even make up my mind now. and i really want to accept you.. but then... bad experiences made me guard against you. made me not daring to get any closer with you. its holding me back.
tell me...what should i do? :(
&I'll smile for you(:
