Tuesday, August 2, 2011♥11:11 PM
Yawns, so tired. these few days has been well, crazy. cried on sun, cried yesterday. gosh... really sucks ttm can. felt like hurting myself too. ya, just for that moment. i know if i really did it, i'd regret. hahas. but oh well. luckily i didnt. otherwise boyfriend would have been so upset with me. i hate to see him upset. and especially not because of me :(
well, life may be crazy for the past few days, but there were happy moments too. its been so long n i've forgotten how it feels like to really be loved n to love someone. that kind of happiness is something i cant describe n i really missed it.
with kokweng, the feeling just wasnt there. all there was was just we using each other. me for his brains, not to forget that with him, at least i wont be alone n lonely(stupid reason, so i realised now) and he for me to satisfy his desires. win win situation, but i was at a great big disadvantage. it wasnt worth the sacrifice. i'd rather live life as it is now. happy, purely happy, and not faking it.
yeaps, i still do have my fears, which have gotten worse after the rows with yanhan. but i trust that boyfriend wont be the same as the rest, and that he'll prove that my fears dont exist. i love him, i really do. he may be strict at times, but he just wants the best for me. maybe i shouldnt be so unreasonable at times n dont listen to him :P but it feels so good to have someone caring so much abt you. and truly care, from the bottom of his heart. i really hope that this will last. its a great big hope, and hopefully this time i wont get disappointed again. its a great big hope, but i'd still hope.
cos you're worth the risk (:
&I'll smile for you(:
