Thursday, September 1, 2011♥12:54 AM
Happy 1st Month dear!
its been a month since we got tgt. how time flies. this one month has really been good for me. truly, im happy. previously in all the relationships, i thought i was in love because i didnt know really know what being in love was really like. those days were passed happily for a few weeks, then quarrel, then unhappiness for a week or so, then being lovey-dovey again. and then feeling insecure n being so frightened that the other person would leave. that was tiring, mentally n physically. and i was tired and frightened of being in a relationship again. when you asked me to be your girlfriend, my first thought was no. enough of being lied to, being used, n then crying over that person because i thought i loved him. and enough of getting stressed out over love. but then, the things you said, made me reconsider again. you said that you wont tell me to trust you, you'll let me trust you through your actions. you wont say that you'll never hurt me, but you'll do your best to not hurt me. and then, lastly, you wont tell me that you are not like the other guys, instead, you'll prove it to me. i felt that you were really quite sincere after all, and that was what made me choose to give you n me a chance. im glad i did. because you showed me what loving someone was like. and of cos, i feel safe n secure with you. i dont have to live life everyday being frightened that you will suddenly leave me and feeling so insecure. that kind of feeling really sucks. and its so taxing on me. but instead, because of you, im smiling more n more often. even as im writing this post n thinking back on the 1 month, i cant stop smiling. hahas.
well, of cos i know that this whole 1 month isnt all just happiness. i did get angry n i also gave you the cold shoulder once. just once. right, dear? i know, life isnt perfect. i cant keep wanting things to go my way. i have to give n take. trust me, when i ignored you, i was more angry with myself than i was with you. because i know very well that its not your fault that you had to disappoint me, yet i got angry and upset with you. i was angry with myself for behaving that way, and for blaming you too when it wasnt something you could control or something that you wanted it to happen. im truly sorry for that, dear. i know that ignoring you must have hurt you. yet i still did. but instead of ignoring me and leaving me to be and to calm down, you kept being so concerned and trying to find out what really happened. even when i pushed you away, you kept coming back to show concern. i felt so guilty. i wanted then to just give you a hug and tell you how sorry i was, but then, pride held me back. you always said that im understanding. i may be, dear, but when it comes to being understanding, you are still better. i still have alot to learn from you. you're always selfless, giving to others and not asking for anything in return. but im the total opposite of you. at times, im selfish. i only think of myself n not others. that was why i got angry too. selfishness. this is something i have to change. dear, im not as good as you think i am. i have got many flaws. but then you still love me for who i am. thats what im most thankful to you for. loving me for who i truly am n not the person whom others see. dear, 1 month is only a short time, i know. but i believe that our love will only grow stronger each n every month. through this 1 month, i may have been very unreasonable and everything or i may have hurt you unknowingly, but dear, do know that i dont mean to do so. if you are unhappy, you must tell me, kay? i will listen de, and change if i have to. i hope that things can stay the way it is for a long long time, hopefully forever! i know, nothing's forever, but you know what i mean. its too early to say, too much to hope for. but for you, i'll take that risk of getting my hopes up only to have it fall. because you're worth it ;)
3 words, 8 letters, 1 meaning.
i love you, dear <3
&I'll smile for you(:
